Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Shamaning - Guest Post from Boulderface

Today I have another guest post for you from my fellow guildie - The drunken Orc shaman Boulderface. He's come to us today with an introduction to the shaman class as well as a few useful tips, so listen because this shit is important. HYAH. AND NOW, BOULDERFACE.
Hello out there in Warcraft Land. This is Boulderface, senior member of Rollin With Bob Saget of Earthen Ring. Dreamy's gone and ran out of Amp, so it's up to everyone's favorite Shaman to hold down the fort, so the poor lass doesn't run out of content.

Today, I'm gonna talk about how awesome being a Shaman is as an introduction! So let's get down the the basics. Shamans have three specs. Only Resto ever gets any love, because people will yank on a healer's dick all day long. Screw that. We need ULTIMATE POWAH, so we roll with a Enhancement spec for pvp. Why? Because swinging weapons will beat slinging spells for that bloodthirst factor, every time. As a Hybird class, a shaman only excels at causing rectal bleeding in other classes. However, we can keep ourselves alive, damage the enemy and offheal in any spec to a certain degree (but why bother? You'll get no thanks later). As Enhancement, we have a few key abilities.

First on the list is waterbreathing. Spam this on your local paladin while pointing and laughing. Next up is Frostshock. As we all know, 2 Frostshocks will pretty much knock any Paladerp right on their ass, or at the very least, leave them slowly running to you like some kinda fat kid running for the bus. Finally, the last skill is fishing. You'll be smacking so much Draenei booty that you'll no longer be welcome in any neutral town so you might as well go fish for your meals. Let me get this out of the way now: I live to smite gnomes.

I took this sweet screen shot of me pounding gnome babies into the ground outside of whateverthehell city. Earthen Ring doesn't have a world pvp scene outside of one single gnome rogue, so I don't bother. TO THE BATTLEGROUNDS! Tips for Battlegrounding as a Shaman include wearing no clothes so as to intimidate your enemies and healing yourself while spinning in circles.

This glass is empty and I haven't found any secret whiskey while typing, so we're gonna call it a day. Tune in next time to see more of Dreamy's drunken rants about ponies and sonuck the hedgehog. Maybe I'll come back to tell you all why rogues are awful children who stunlock your dick off for shits and giggles. Til then, fuck it I'm drunk.


*Dreamy's Disclaimer: He told me to put a disclaimer about the Alliance hatred in this post but he didn't say about what exactly. Maybe he wanted me to say it's not serious for the sake of my Alliance readers (Who I'm sorry to, cause I'm sure you guys are totally cool people and all that and I am glad you read my blog even though it is definitely Horde-biased, and I don't know if I can redeem myself in anyway for this but I'm just gonna throw out there that I think Worgen are cool and I wish I had one but I'm so lazy and I don't feel like leveling one). BUT ANYWAY I'm pretty sure he lives to hate gnomes for real. I mean, this one time I made him a gnome deck with wow TCG just because I knew he'd hate it so much he'd piss all over it and burst into flames. However, I don't give a shit so this was entirely pointless. I hate Draenei.

1 comment:

  1. Fuck the police, I'm gonna make an even WORSE post this month.