Hunter PvP: Using a rhino and laughing your ass off

Lately I've been PvPing on my hunter a lot. I've discovered a super fun and super hilarious trick to use to get back at shamans windshearing you, priests mind controlling you and druids typhooning you off cliffs.

ENTER THE RHINO!

These guys are awesome for a few reasons. 

1. Rhinos are super cute

2. They are huge and intimidating!

3. They are tenacity and have a lot of health

4. THEY CAN LAUNCH MOTHER FUCKERS INTO THE DAMN AIR AND OFF CLIFFS

I am a beast mastery hunter through and through (YEAH, WHAT, YOU WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT?), I ain't changing for no one, so this isn't an issue for me, but please do be aware these pets are considered exotic, and so you will need to play a BM hunter to use them. They have a special skill called "Horn Toss" and that's how they throw you.

So make your way over to Borean tundra to pick yourself out a cute little rhino. (There's alternate rhino colors as well you can check out over at Wow Petopia.)

Then you can start launching the other rhinos into the air for fun!

WHEEE, FLYING RHINOS.

Yes, I named my rhino Davidleeroth. It's so hilarious sending a fat ass rhino after people named Davidleeroth, and before they know it, BOOM right off a cliff. In pvp, these guys are most useful in the center of EOTS. I usually chill there with a flare down in camo. If someone tries to run up and jack the flag, BOOM. Bye bye. Another great place is Arathi Basin at the lumbermill, if you stay positioned with a straight on view of the flag, back at the mill building, you can just rush the first person on the flag and down they go. It's hilarious. I've even had people run away after getting launched through the air, as if to say "NOPE, FUCK THIS." It makes for a good time. 

I really wish I had gotten some good screen shots of me sending people over the cliffs, but usually in BG's I'm more in the heat of battle and less focused on screen shots. However here's a great video from a guy on youtube named Greco (Username: Johndaniel747). He does a lot of BM hunter videos and they're all fantastic. If you're a BM hunter, definitely check him out.

Hope you guys found this useful and have more fun in pvp with this hilarious and awesome skill!

The Terrible Huntard Guide

This week I have another guest post for a friend and fellow guildie, the illustrious British. He's a drunken British bastard and our guilds human sacrifice in any dungeon and raid. AND NOW...British. 

Howdy do honkies? Today The British will tell you how to PvE and PvP as a huntard. Make sure you have plenty of drinks.. And I don't mean in-game.. I mean get you a big damn bottle of whiskey, and maybe some sort of sugary energy drink. Maybe an Amp. Or make your own. Out of gasoline and Splenda packets. Hell, Kerosene is fuel and and Red Bull is fuel, so therefore Kerosene is Redbull.

Anyways get your PvP gear or RP gear.. Fuck I roll around in a kilt as a Huntard, Or a dress, whatever it is, my little blood elf hunter looks like a whore and it's awesome. Means those Gnome fucks target you, but as a huntard, you don't give a fuck, send your pet in, dance around, fire off some arcane shots or something, take some shots of whiskey, or snort some coke.. Either way, there's not much any class can do about you shooting them in the face ‘til it's all demented and what not, hell I aimed shot the tentacles on a Draenei sometimes I even run up and smack some sweet Draenei booty.

A quick guide on how to flag run in a Warsong or that new one, forget what it's call, who care. Simply pick up the flag, turn around to face the allies chasing you and disengage all the way back to the horde base, or you can always use aspect of the cheetah and RUN FASTER, but that only works if you're screaming something about salt fucking or slugs raping your children.

How to PvE as a huntard? It's pretty much the same thing as PvPing, except you ALWAYS ALWAYS misdirect to the healer, That will show them who not to fuck with and make sure they keep you alive, or maybe that wipes groups, who knows. As long as I'm the one running around and drinking all that delicious limey tea, who gives a shit.

One last thing, if you have the rainbow trinket on your huntard..Always use it, it triples your dps. Plus it makes you look fucking FABULOUS, oh and use Camouflage, or as I call it Ghost Mode. There's actually a story about ghost Mode, wanna hear it? Don't give a shit, here goes; basically my old house was haunted and the basement room was the scariest room in the whole house even for grown ups. I had a dream once that a knife killer in a tuxedo was hiding down in the basement and I can't go down there anymore unless I'm in Ghost mode, There was a lot of fun stuff to do down there in Ghost mode, like throw chairs at the concrete wall, lift cinderblocks read an old article about Marilyn Monroe, that dirty bitch. If you see a ghost or think somebody might be creeping down there in ghost mode, don't worry, you can't see ghost mode people and they can only touch you if you want them to touch you erotically. Anyways, fuck this typing shit, time to drink tea and think I'm better at huntarding than the next tard.

Drunk Pally Healing

The Drunken Holy Paladin & Drink Recommendations

Inspired by Boulderface's shaman guide, along with booze, I've decided to write a holy paladin drunken healing guide. Well, maybe not a guide as much as a bunch of tips. I often heal drunk and while some argue this can be detrimental, I like to believe it differs from person to person. You have to get that fine balance of booze and energy drink to be truly glorious at healing. Light beams will shoot out of your tits and into your allies with the majesty and skill you have always dreamed of.

First of all, make sure you have healbot because fuck everything else. You need those big green buttons so you can see shit even when your vision is blurry. Those big buttons also make it easy to aim your mouse, you have a large target area with those buttons so you should be able to hit it and heal it in time even if you're falling out of your chair. Put all your trinkets on there and make your big, main heals simple clicks so even when you're trashed you just click on some DK's name who's almost dead and BOOM you're all good. 

PvE is easy, just click the buttons if you see the green turning any other color than green. Cleanse for purple, dark green, blue..fuck it, try it on any color the bar turns if health is full. Heal if the bar starts chipping away. Just put beacon on the tank because you really don't want to give a shit about all that  beacon switching piss when you're drunk, trust me, it doesn't matter. If you have any DK's in your group, keep an eye on those fuckers because they ARE going to pull aggro and almost die at least 15-20 times throughout the dungeon, don't even play, you know it's true, girl.

If you're healing in PvP just avoid hunters. Just run away from them, if you can /cry while running if they see you, they will feel bad and leave you alone, especially if you're a sexy female Bloodelf, because no one likes to see a woman cry....well, maybe some do, but fuck them they are assholes. If you're a Tauren this probably wont work because your /cry emotes are terrible and impossible to feel pity for. Dwarves also have no hope with this strategy, sorry. Humans, I don't know what to tell you, you're a bit derpy looking but some people might find it cute. Draenei are pretty sexy, but only if you're female. You guys might have as much power if not more than Bloodelves. Holy pallies, if you run into a druid in bear form, just run in circles around him while slapping that big bear ass and spamming holy shock and word of glory. This will probably go on for hours, until someone intervenes which probably won't happen, especially if you're in warsong gulch. If you run into a mage you might as well go take a piss while they kill you. If you're being focused by a frost mage you have a 99.5% mortality rate. The 5% of hope is if someone decides to help you, but you'll probably both die anyway in the end.

If you're drinking whiskey, avoid playing any healing class. Whiskey is for aggressive dps folks, your balls will be so big after a few shots you could never sit in the background healing. My buzz ran out so I'm done talking about this shit.

Shamaning - Guest Post from Boulderface

Today I have another guest post for you from my fellow guildie - The drunken Orc shaman Boulderface. He's come to us today with an introduction to the shaman class as well as a few useful tips, so listen because this shit is important. HYAH. AND NOW, BOULDERFACE.

Hello out there in Warcraft Land. This is Boulderface, senior member of Rollin With Bob Saget of Earthen Ring. Dreamy's gone and ran out of Amp, so it's up to everyone's favorite Shaman to hold down the fort, so the poor lass doesn't run out of content.

Today, I'm gonna talk about how awesome being a Shaman is as an introduction! So let's get down the the basics. Shamans have three specs. Only Resto ever gets any love, because people will yank on a healer's dick all day long. Screw that. We need ULTIMATE POWAH, so we roll with a Enhancement spec for pvp. Why? Because swinging weapons will beat slinging spells for that bloodthirst factor, every time. As a Hybird class, a shaman only excels at causing rectal bleeding in other classes. However, we can keep ourselves alive, damage the enemy and offheal in any spec to a certain degree (but why bother? You'll get no thanks later). As Enhancement, we have a few key abilities.

First on the list is waterbreathing. Spam this on your local paladin while pointing and laughing. Next up is Frostshock. As we all know, 2 Frostshocks will pretty much knock any Paladerp right on their ass, or at the very least, leave them slowly running to you like some kinda fat kid running for the bus. Finally, the last skill is fishing. You'll be smacking so much Draenei booty that you'll no longer be welcome in any neutral town so you might as well go fish for your meals. Let me get this out of the way now: I live to smite gnomes.

I took this sweet screen shot of me pounding gnome babies into the ground outside of whateverthehell city. Earthen Ring doesn't have a world pvp scene outside of one single gnome rogue, so I don't bother. TO THE BATTLEGROUNDS! Tips for Battlegrounding as a Shaman include wearing no clothes so as to intimidate your enemies and healing yourself while spinning in circles.

This glass is empty and I haven't found any secret whiskey while typing, so we're gonna call it a day. Tune in next time to see more of Dreamy's drunken rants about ponies and sonuck the hedgehog. Maybe I'll come back to tell you all why rogues are awful children who stunlock your dick off for shits and giggles. Til then, fuck it I'm drunk.

Fin.

*Dreamy's Disclaimer: He told me to put a disclaimer about the Alliance hatred in this post but he didn't say about what exactly. Maybe he wanted me to say it's not serious for the sake of my Alliance readers (Who I'm sorry to, cause I'm sure you guys are totally cool people and all that and I am glad you read my blog even though it is definitely Horde-biased, and I don't know if I can redeem myself in anyway for this but I'm just gonna throw out there that I think Worgen are cool and I wish I had one but I'm so lazy and I don't feel like leveling one). BUT ANYWAY I'm pretty sure he lives to hate gnomes for real. I mean, this one time I made him a gnome deck with wow TCG just because I knew he'd hate it so much he'd piss all over it and burst into flames. However, I don't give a shit so this was entirely pointless. I hate Draenei.